October 20, 2015 by pecanbutter
I saw someone whom I parted ways with on a bad note.
That moment presented me an opportunity for me to undo a wrong I made.
Nothing happened. I only got up and walked out of the place.
I was an utter coward.
I wasn’t going to be a better person acting this way.
Reflecting upon that incident, I need to know what to do if I ever got a chance like that again.
1. I will first express regret.
Expressing regret is the emotional aspect of an apology. Expressing regret is expressing to the person my guilt towards what I have done. It is also to bring to surface the shame and pain that my actions have done to her. A simple “I am sorry” could go a long way towards restoring goodwill.
2. I will be sincere about the apology.
I must act truly about my own feelings, thoughts, desires and beliefs. Only then would B’s know I am truly sincere about apologising.
3. I will be specific for what am I apologising for.
Say ‘I am sorry for ______.’ I understood how much I have hurt B so I want to be specific and focus on the details of my understanding so as to direct them to her.
4. I will not use the ‘but’ word.
Follow a sincere apology with ‘but’ cheapens the value of the apology.
5. I must not shift the blame.
Shifting the blame moves the situation from an apology to an attack, which is both unforgivable and uncalled for.
6. I am going to start to visualise and practise the apology.
It will help prepare me emotionally and mentally.
7. Make a note about what I want to say to make sure the above mentioned are checked and done.
Sometimes an apology is just not enough to mend the hurt done, but if nothing is done, nothing is done.
“If you want to change attitudes, start with a change in behavior. In other words, begin to act the part, as well as you can, of the person you would rather be, the person you most want to become. Gradually, the old, fearful person will fade away.” Dr William Glasser
Adapted from The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.